blog update '09

2009 Update: The Blog is down, but not out; the author 'retired' from 5-a-side (rumours of comeback on hold following knee injury) so this blog may move to 'other football worlds'.
We await developments.

A deepening crisis

NBT exclusively reveals that Sven wasn't the only Colours FC player put to the sword in Monday's 14-14 draw.
Mikey reveals details of the terrible wounds inflicted on him by Rob 'The Enforcer' Perry in a 'minor skirmish' incident.
Should we be letting the perpetrators of this behaviour go unpunished? Or is it all, in some unexplainable way related to the death of Princess Diana? Our conspiracy theorist needs to know....

one quadrillion dollars.....

....is the price on the head of Dave "Dr Evil" Turner following a shock challenge on Sevnnis Underhand last Monday. There will be a specially chartered bus tour to see the blood stains on Feb 29th.

Unprecedented levels of NewBigToe comments (er, 3) have meant that there is a real possibility that the Ethics Committee will sit for the first time since 1987....

oh for pity's sake. Colours 14, er, Whites 14

"And its Super Uxbridge, Super Uxbridge FC, We're by far the greatest team theworld has ever seen"
(from http://www.footballchants.org/. I just thought it was great)

Colours: AJ, Sven, Clarkey, Arthurio, Ibbster
Whites: Dave Evs, DaveT, Bob(short for Kate), Rob(not Bob), RichP

With only one change I suppose that there would have been little expectation that the recent spate of draws would end in yet another draw. It wasn't a bore draw though as Clarkey once again proved he is no John Boxley with a controlled display of goal scoring (until he got tired) and after him, the Ibbs goal machine took over with some absolutely blistering shooting. I, on the other hand, picked up a recurrance of the knee injury and so scuttled back into goal where I proved to be a more than capable barrier to the Whites increasingly feeble attacks. With the H.M.S. "Imperious Arthur" strutting his stuff in the middle of the park, Colours looked unstoppable, but reckoned without one thing. The march of time. (Oh yes, and unfitness. Sorry, that's two things.)

As the clock ticked inexorably towards 6 o'clock the colours lost more and more territory, until they were pinned back against the red line. Bob saw the opportunity to deploy his lethal right foot on several occasions. Sometimes he deployed his left foot. Sometimes he was on target. Rob looked on in despair as Bob got Rob's passes just when Rob was going to score.. You could feel the pressure building.. I bent my fingers back on several occasions (hence the poor typing) as I made save after save. Suddenly - it was a draw, and with the clock close on 6pm the Svennis took the ball up the right wing only to be truly clattered by a shocking, neanderthal challenge right out of the Ibbs back catalogue - only this time, t'was delivered by the normally mild-mannered (but henceforth to be known as Killer) DaveT. That sort of ended the game, really, though there were some minor shin-kicking skirmishes to be had for a short while in the corner. Folks were grateful to be going home to their loved ones, limbs broadly intact.

djemba pember and the long shadow

DP writes from his Country Pile..
"Great site gaffer and top reports...am still missing Mondays terribly...this is my grip on reality!! Thanks for the website link - you must pop in and say hello if you're passing - now that's a word that's not used often on a Monday ;o)"

Of course - you could see this for yourself if you could work out the comments bit, eh??

Hey - this week sees several of the NewBigToe players fighting for their contracts as local behemoth Capgerminiinc, chief shareholder in NBT Liga Primiera stages a clear-out. Already AJ has negotiated a free transfer but will continue to play on non-contract terms or at least until Athletico Madrid put 7 days notice in on him. Who will follow?

just catching up

Crippled by an ankle injury that was far, far worse than anyone else's ankle injury (- ok apart from that Arsenal player) I sat on the sidelines, watching my new web site fade away and rapidly saw my handiwork becoming obsolete. But hey! I reckoned without the power of the press, or rather 'Sven' Underwood, who has been keeping meticulous records since, well, since the year Dot. So, in an attempt to catch up, here goes:

21st Jan - match void as AJ crashes out with an unusual combination of (left) ankle and (right) knee injury, which is just as well 'cos Whites were getting well and truly thumped.

28th Jan - Whites 11 Colours 11
Colours : Rob, Bob, Rich P, Dave T, Dave E
Whites: Rich B, Mike, Rich U, Arthur, John

4th Feb - Whites 9 Colours 9
Colours : Rob, Bob, Rich P, Dave T, Dave E
Whites: Rich B, Mike, Rich U, Arthur, John
(this proves that, given the same players, it is possible to achieve the same result and will hereafter be known as the Underwood Theory)

11 Feb - Whites 12 Colours 7
Colours : Rob, Bob, Rich P, Dave T, Dave E
Whites: Rich B, Mike, Rich U, Arthur, John
(this disproves the Underwood Theory)

18th Feb - Whites 7 Colours 7
Colours : Rob, Bob, Rich P, Dave T, Dave E
Whites: Alan, Mike, Rich U, Arthur, John

I return to the side and prove instantly that I am no Rich Babel. Two sublime saves and reasonable passing does little to hide the fact I am as mobile as the (post iceberg) Titanic; however my team mates are pleased to have me back and so make up for my tendency to give the ball away in front of my own goal, by smashing home a load of our own :))
I noticed on arrival at OLC that it is encased in scaffolding; presumably this is because it has failed the stress test - there is only so much battering a wall can take. Hopefully, it can be saved. Note to Dave Evans - if you are going to try a crafty backheel in front of goal again mate make sure you make contact with the ball. Oh no - on second thoughts, it's much funnier like this.....

Colours 17 Whites 11

teams:
Colours: singh, underwood, babel, ibbs, evans
Whites: wilcox, jenkins, may, esberger, turner

Dave 'lightnin' Turner in for the Boxster; same result though for the Whites.
Whites thought a change was needed, and they ended up defending the Bags End, and there were no goals for the first 10 minutes, it was very close.
Colours soon opened the scoring but weren't able to get a decisive lead until less than half an hour to go; Whites were a lot better this week, but squandered chances in front of goal. Mazy runs from Paul & Dave at the front but finishing let them down, this wasnt helped by Dave Evs filling the goal (there's a joke in there somewhere but I'll leave it to others).

Also some shambolic defending let the colours in and some quickfire goals from ibbster and babelster put the result beyond doubt, though a late charge made it look more respectable. I crashed out near the end with ankle injury to add to the disgusting cold I have had for most of 2008 :((((
With the transfer window now open, where do the whites look for inspiration? is a wholesale shake up needed? I hear Big Sam can do a job